Thursday, September 25, 2008

OMG!

While reading some news today on MSNBC, I found this article. This is so funny & stupid at the same time. You can also click on the title for the link to the story.

Man charged with battery for farting near cop


SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. - A man has been charged with battery on a police officer for allegedly passing gas and fanning it toward a patrolman.
Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, W. Va., was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.
As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.
Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.
"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.
He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.
'I couldn't hold it no more'Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.
"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.
He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.
Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.
"This is ridiculous," he said. "I could be facing time."

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Tech Support

Dear Tech support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed aDistinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flowerAnd jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such asRomance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirablePrograms such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf 4.1.Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes theSystem. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband1.0 is an operating system.Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML and try to download Tears 6.2And don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application worksAs designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applicationsJewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 toDefault to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note thatBeer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother- In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in theBackground that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These areUnsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memoryAnd cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buyingAdditional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support